sigh

Its been a busy time, my mum had a birthday and it was a really nice party. It was nice having my brother and his family in town as well. I had a birthday.it came and it went, it means nothing to me anymore its just a day same as any other. Everyone makes an effort and thats real nice but its still painful to think about my father which i cant help but do. This year the 26th was especially hard having to work and it was a tough day as well but such is life eh it just goes on. We went to sisters island for a couple of days over the last weekend and it was great and all but still the faces not there seemed to be on my mind more then anything else. Its been 10yrs since we started going to sisters island and 20 yrs since i started going camping and even there things have changed.
sometimes swimming against the current to keep everyone happy is rather hard and all you want is to get picked up and put in a boat. thats all i got today.

Ola

So much to post, so little time. for now a picture of black betty at the tampines mtb trail.

A Princess and a Frog

:)

Rest in Peace. Hello the gold fish.

Hello the goldfish died today. it is very upsetting. i had a great day and came home to find her pump off and hello floating belly up. Everynight as i wait for pepper to eat her dinner i would feed Hello and have a bit of a chat with her. alas it has ended.

Flip Flop and Fly.

So it seems stamina is not my strong point.
Law and I cycled to the tampines trail early this moring, by the time we got there i was tired! this was to the disappointment of law who thought we would run the full 10clicks of the track. I tired myself out even more on the stunt track before we even went up any hills and i have to say some of these hills are pretty damn HIGH! I confess to pushing the bike up most of them. We did what i would call the mid-range section, i have attached a video below of the area (its not my vid i pinched it of you tube). Coming down 1 of the slopes I caught the front wheel on a rock and flew arse of head...i have to admit i giggled pretty much for the next 5 mins. I am too old and too out of shape to be flying around on hills with no helmet so alas until further purchase there will be no downhill biking for a while. We ended the morning nicely cycling through some nice trails we even crossed paths with a tiny little snake. So all in all a very enjoyable ride!

By the way, i have named the bike Black Betty after the song.

saddle up.

Its been a long time since i said those words in relation to cycling.
My first bicycles when i was a kid growing up in opera estate were all hand me downs, with 4 older siblings there was never a shortage of wheels. Some of my earliest memories are of our family going cycling and me being "tompang'd"by my mum. My neighbour Khoon Wee(Ah wee to friends) thought me to cycle without training wheels oh so many years ago, we used to sneak out of the zone we were confined to by our parents and explore the broader confines of our district at least until my other neighbour saw us wandering far afield from home and decided to highlight this fact to my father. Thus ended long distant riding.

By the time we moved to tampines i was once again without wheels and surrounded by friends who had the top of the line bikes, those days were what i like to call the glory days of the BMX.
I dont remember asking my dad for a bicycle, i suppose my mum must have mentioned it to him but one day we drove to Changi Village where i got my very own, and my very first bicycle. I was 14yrs old and it was an Oyama a brand slightly above plastic roller skates but it was mine and i loved that bike. At least $300 bucks less then any of the bikes that surround me that little filly held her own, i hardly had brakes as i never had the money to buy the rubber pads(this seemed to be a prenial problem for me). Punctured tire? it was almost always a home patch job(my father taught me), the thing is its not like we were poor but i just never had the guts to ask for things like this and i think the old man knew it. The Oyama took me and my gang many a mile, one of our fav things was to cycle to changi beach have a bit of a swim get back on the bikes soaking wet and cycle home, that lil bit of fun carried on when our BMX's were retired and Mountain Bikes came to the forefront. My first and till now only Mountain was a no brand monster that was almost 19inchs high, it weighed 3 1/4s of a ton (it cost me nothing but that is another story) and it had this awesome blue and grey paint job that was done by our resident bike expert/spray master Daniel. That bike, man it had some awesome parts, everytime one of the guys did an upgrade on their bikes the old parts would somehow find their way to my bike. Some of the off road stuff we did in those days i would not even think about attempting now. Put through the wringer, that bike died a glorius death when it snapped in two.

GT Avalanche 09 3.0
Now 17yrs later i got myself another pair of wheels. Its all lawrence's
fault. He "presuaded"me to get a bike as he was getting a pricey set of wheels and wanted kaki on the roads. Being a good friend i couldnt leave him i nthe lurch could i? ahem
Techonolgy has left me behind, lefty forks, disc brakes, carbon fiber parts and fully suspended bikes, these were not even dreamt of in my day. I settled on a Hardtail (see the lingo has changed too) with a basic setup,which means mechanical disc brakes and front suspension. i mean no point spending if i aint riding right?

The thing about buyin this bike is this, for the first time in my life i could walk into a bike shop and afford just about everything there, if you have never had that feeling there are no words i can express to tell you how that feels. Within 15minutes of getting my bike it had mud on it, and i had a smile on my face. Will i cycle alot? i dont know, do i have the guts to ride like we used to ? i doubt it very much. Am i smiling as i write this long winded post. HELL YEAH.

sidebar-work has been rough, so if you find any typos and stuff just keep it to yourself or i may just climb the clock tower and we wouldnt want that would we.

untitled.

"Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear,". Mother Teresa.

Queen-Under Pressure.

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de
Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da - that's o.k.
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.k.
Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

Ants.

Please click on the pic to see larger version. the pics are cropped and resized for posting purposes.

Four-clawed Gecko Gehyra mutilata

Four-clawed Gecko Gehyra mutilata

"Hello"the goldfish

...

laughter is fleeting,
sorrow seems forever

Caitlin And I

Caitlin and I were fooling around with the computer today and took tons of pictures with the webcam. These are just a few . Note that my shirt is inside out. The song was picked by Caitlin. It has no relevance to my life at all. For starters it is Caitlin who walks to fast for all of us.

Shrimp.

I popped one in a bowl just take a picture, these guys are tiny at the moment i think less then 1cm

I threw some dwarf shrim in the baby tank today, lets see how long these buggers survive

flawed fly.

ARGHHHHHHH I JUST CANT GET IT!

hmm my turtles seem to have disappeared.

failure.

I have cropped all the pics, the grasshopper pics have been heavily cropped. These pics are failures all of the pictures were off. ARGGGGGGh its oooo frustrating! i am defeated. for now. tomorrow is another day.

test 2

test

Table Cloth & Glod Fish

Baby Fish and Arm Hair

Just uploading some test shots, i have resized and cropped them for space purposes. Dont look at the framing or the subject matter these are just test shots.

Solitary Drifting.

solitary drifing.
from this place or that
always moving like a cheshire cat
never bogged down by life or love
my home is the big wide earth

solitary drifing.
I seek to be, a ghostly condition.
not staying long never leaving an impression.
you think you know me but all you see
is a grinning cat happy to be free.

nostalgia in green

nostalgia describes a longing for the past, often in idealized form.

By nature i find it easier to look back rather then foward, its how i am built. I find comfort in the past, its what I know. The future to me is always a dark void where anything can go wrong, where i have no control but the past? heh thats my playground.

I went back for a day of reservist today, well half a day. While it wasnt the first time i had been back to stagmont camp since i left the army all those years ago, i was and am filled with the knowledge that my time as a reservist is running out (idealized lol) and soon the places i roamed as a young soldier will no longer be there for me to go and reminisce. Today i took it all in, i watched the young men running around the parade square looking busy, i saw boys cleaning their equipment where i used to, i saw young privates sitting on the same spot i sat.
Was i ever that young, was i ever that gung ho, did i think i was going to change the world or save it? Did i think that my small role in the military machine would make a difference that would be spoken of for all time. Probably lol but i was always an optimistic sort of fellow

In the cab on the way to camp i was stuck not for the first time by the differences that surround the camp, new schools new buildings all is different on stagmont hill.

I remember my father dropping me off at the gate or my bil driving me back to camp on a sunday night. I remeber that feeling, that lil sense of depression in your belly we call "book in blues" it lasted till you got to your bunk. I remember my buddies some of whom i was with throughout my 2 years in the army, none of whom i have seen since the day i left. I regret that. We went through so many shared experiences, a couple of trips to Taiwan(including a brawl at taipei's hard rock cafe that required our slipping out before the cops got there), Philipines(where our vehicle was stonned and snipers watched our every move on the runway at the airport) god knows how many nights in the field oh those nights in the field..its never like the movies its always raining its always hot you never know where your going but you have to hurry to get there. In Taiwan we used to sit on the roof top at night and talk about what we wanted from life, what we wanted to do, our hopes and our dreams the 5 of us were nothing alike but we were the same. I'll never forget the last few nights i spent in the army, none of us could sleep, but none of us could talk we knew we wanted it to end but we new it would be the end of what we had. My friend Lim Boon Chiong would smoke like a chimney, my buddy Tan Kar Lin a vegetarian (i could not convert him no matter what) would sit back and just stare out at the sky, i would pace up and down with lots of heavy sighing much to the annoyance of wong yuet kai (the duck eater we called him) and tay(would was scared to speak cause lim told him if he said anything he would die lol) on our last day we said nothing we all started to talk but in the end hugs were exchanged and in a nice bit of fun we saluted each other and silently went on with our lives.

It felt strange walking past the chin up bars (that hated implement of modern torture) across the parade sqaure and noticing for the first time that they had chopped down the big trees in front of what was my bunk .The chilly wind would brush the leaves against the windows at night and in the morning before dawn when the air was cool and sleep was pleasurable you would be awoken by the cries of thousands of crows as they awoke from ther slumber in the treetops, this would always be followed by a cacophony of curses (some of which till this day i know not the meaning).


I wish i had written down, all i had done in those days i wish i had kept in touch with my kaki i wish i knew then what i know now, if i had i would not have been so wary about the future.