clouds illusions i recall

My post on tradition, and i guess the fact that its Christmas have sort of put me in a hmm I'd say melancholic mood but that would just be overly dramatic, its not a black dog day either so maybe i will just say a shadow has passed over me just for the time being. We have been cleaning up the study for our new desks (yes we bought 2) and Caitlin found some old pictures. Some from my time in school, my parents wedding my family my days as an altar boy of pets long gone and family now departed. That would put anyone in under a cloud i reckon (Carly Simon belting away with coming around again is NOT helping)

Most days i miss them, my father, my Bil, my godfather and Uncle Mark. Today its Uncle Mark. I was thinking about how little i knew of him his past his life his loves his family. All i knew was the man, a good man who did so much for others to the point of giving all of himself. Why did he do it? was he just a nice guy, was he seeking redemption for some sin in the past I don't know i never thought to ask. When he died, we his family his boys rallied around and gave him a send off fitting a great guy. I collected his body, i told his children i sat by his coffin. I know we were all there, his boys but I had to do these things and these are the things that stick by me he was my first friend to die. I remember how when we travelled we would talk for hours on anything under the sun. His answer to every problem was the same whats for lunch, and it always ended the same with him saying "standard dropped" with regards to a shop where the food has tasted the same for 30yrs or so!

I know he would have spoilt Caitlin rotten, he would have been sad for the friendships that have died, happy for those that have formed and he would tell me when the worst happens, there is nothing to do but have lunch.

I almost lost a friend today or rather almost lost a friendship that is important to me so I want to say a word on friendship. Sometimes you fight you disagree and things come to pass and its easier to be silent with your anger or pain. Nothing good comes from this, cause one day you will write an email to tell your friend what a rotten person he is and how horrid he has been to you, and its hard to walk back from that. Sometimes you just loose sight of each other in the medley that is daily life and you find you are both singing different songs after time apart. Its not the end, friendships endure, love is stronger then we think. So if this Christmas, you find yourself out on a ledge somewhere and you think you have no one to pull you back in, think again somewhere in your past is someone who will come find you, all you have to do is call.

We don't have to be friends we should want to be.

well maybe that pesky cloud is shifting, have a nice night. :)