Sometimes things go wrong, things take a wrong turn and while i say that as if we have nothing to do with it generally things go wrong because of us, people. I am speaking about friendships and the death and the slow agonizing way in which one can die. I am sure we all have friends, i have a few tried, tested and trust friends who will probably be with me till the end as i will with them but are such things written in stone?
We all have friends who when we call them we are all excited while the phone is ringing but the moment they pick up we know "this was a mistake" they rub us the wrong way or they say things that hurt or insult us or we realise that they never once not once ask how you are and how your family is doing, its all about them. Sometimes it takes years for us to realise that these are not friends they are users and even then though it may be heartbreaking you still to keep a thread of connection in order to maintain the friendship. I use the term friendship very loosley here. There are other friends who we see once a year or contact every couple of months but when we do it just clicks and things are like they always were but even these need some water and sunlight, i call them cactus friendships you dont have to do much work but they can grow big and strong.
When it does end, a friendship rarely goes out with a bang but seems to sail out into ocean quietly, and sometimes its too late to save and yo uthink "oh well' i will give him or her a call and it will be alright and it will be like it used to but its not and it wont be because they have sailed off without you.
And years later you do things like search for them on the internet or in quiet moments u wonder of friendships lost and one day maybe your walking down the street or sitting at a bar and he or she walks in and ur heart leaps in memory of a friend and they give a wave and thats all you get or you send and email and you get no reply and you realise that really its over, or you call and you get the "i'm busy" and never get the call back, you sort of got to get the hint eh, maybe you are the one they shudder to talk to or you are the one that hurt them who knows.
Its over, finshed, done, kaput and yet is it? whee there is breath there is life and where there is life there is hope, and if there was any real love in the friendship to start with there is always a chance.regrets? i had a few but then again too few to mention.
Sidebar- Dont look for the hidden meaning in any of this, its just something that i happen to be thinking about and not related to any incident or friendship.
If you find any typos, speeling erros and stuff and feel the need to tell me, please note that you are the one i regret calling !!!
2 comments:
Unlike you, I had the misforutne of having lost 2 friends this year.No matter what happen it's always sad to let go for people whom we once shared a small part of our lives with.
I always consider myself as someone who can't keep her friends - not in any bad way - but I'm the kind of person who likes her space and privacy - especially now that I'm getting older and more settled.
Gone are the days of numerous friends and partying. As things wind down, you start to have only a few close friends - for me - I only have two and that is always liable to change with lots of personal changes happening with each other - new jobs, motherhood etc... everyone changes and with that, friends come and go. It's something I've realised and accepted for a long time now and it's fine with me. Jamie and I do long for dinner friends etc... that are in the same position as us - young couple, arty jobs, no kids... maybe we should post an ad?
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